"Because I could not stop for Death----
He kindly stopped for me---"
Emily Dickinson, "Because I Could not Stop for Death", circa 1862.
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
Douglas Adams, quoted in Guardian, June 3, 2000.
"It is difficult to predict, especially the future."
Niels Bohr, Danish Physicist, in "Statistics", (1975)(attributing quote to Mark Kac).
I think I like the last the two quotes better, even though I always thought (even back in my American Lit. high school class), that the title of Dickinson's poem would make a great name for a rock song, or for a hard rock/heavy metal band.
I took an MRI on January 8, 2007 and learned that my lung cancer has metastasized through the lymph nodes to my brain. When cancer metastasizes throughout the lymph nodes, it gets into your blood stream and starts popping up everywhere. It grows like wildfire and wherever it goes, and your body's organs begin shutting down. So we planned for the following week to do stereotactic radiation (see 1/18/07 post). I had eight spots on my brain that we "zapped", but for every one that we got, there are probably two more we can't see. My oncologist, Dr. Heddinger, gave me a revised life expectancy of four months without additional radiation and six months with. So July 9, 2007, is my new drop dead date.
For those of you saying "but you already had brain cancer", the easiest way I can explain it is this: The "old" brain tumor was non-cancerous, but had to be controlled in order to stop it from crowding out important brain functions like speaking and thinking. It was nearly baseball size when it was discovered, so it had to be operated on. These kind of tumors can grow but not spread.
I received this news the same week we had our lawsuit with The Worst People in the World (see 1/16/07 post). This all occurred while trying to plan Melissa's surprise party on the January 13th (which I will discuss in a future blog). To say the least it was a stressful week.
I've decided that I can handle the physical pain that cancer causes pretty well, but the psychological beating that you take is really something else. It has come to the point where I ought to feel good about bad news, because even worse news is lurking around the corner. And getting no news, well now that's spec-fucking-tacular.
164 days and counting. Bet the over. :-)
P.S. I will need a person or persons to take over writing this blog at some point. They must be be educated, witty, charming, insightful, thoughtful and clever. Which basically means a friend or relative of mine, since you all meet the criteria. Please contact me if you would be willing to do this. Tom
Thursday, January 25, 2007
California
Better than the Bowl Game
I am just getting around to writing this, but shortly after Christmas, we went to Palm Springs to visit Melissa's oldest brother for a few days. It was the first time in six years that we didn't go to the Hawkeyes bowl game. It was raining when Melissa, the boys, grandma and I landed outside of L.A., but by the time we got to their house it was already sunny. Their home it stunning and backs to a PGA golf course. Another of Melissa's brothers was already there with his family when we arrived, and the third brother arrived the evening of the 27th.
We stayed at a beautiful resort hotel near the house, with the Sierra Mountains for a back drop. If any of you ever wondered what a $50.00/couple breakfast tastes like, I can now tell you. But I'll also tell you this: It was damn good. The weather was very nice, and we only ventured out of the hotel and house twice: Once for a casual dinner (we all took turns making dinner the rest of the time) and once to go the grocery store. The kids had a great time playing with their new scooters, football and swimming. The adults had a good time just talking and relaxing. On the 29th, when Iowa played Texas, Melissa's brother went out and bought a bunch of monster cable and moved the flat screen t.v. outside into the shade. Melissa made tailgate items for brunch and dinner beginning with breakfast burritos in the morning and chicken and burgers for dinner. (Hey, I had to fill the coolers with beer, pop and ice). The Hawkeyes actually played pretty well before losing by two points.
As you probably recall, President Ford passed away at that time. He was from Rancho Mirage, which is about two miles from Melissa's brother's home. You could hear the twenty one gun salute from the patio. Very cool. It was a very relaxing and enjoyable time.
I am just getting around to writing this, but shortly after Christmas, we went to Palm Springs to visit Melissa's oldest brother for a few days. It was the first time in six years that we didn't go to the Hawkeyes bowl game. It was raining when Melissa, the boys, grandma and I landed outside of L.A., but by the time we got to their house it was already sunny. Their home it stunning and backs to a PGA golf course. Another of Melissa's brothers was already there with his family when we arrived, and the third brother arrived the evening of the 27th.
We stayed at a beautiful resort hotel near the house, with the Sierra Mountains for a back drop. If any of you ever wondered what a $50.00/couple breakfast tastes like, I can now tell you. But I'll also tell you this: It was damn good. The weather was very nice, and we only ventured out of the hotel and house twice: Once for a casual dinner (we all took turns making dinner the rest of the time) and once to go the grocery store. The kids had a great time playing with their new scooters, football and swimming. The adults had a good time just talking and relaxing. On the 29th, when Iowa played Texas, Melissa's brother went out and bought a bunch of monster cable and moved the flat screen t.v. outside into the shade. Melissa made tailgate items for brunch and dinner beginning with breakfast burritos in the morning and chicken and burgers for dinner. (Hey, I had to fill the coolers with beer, pop and ice). The Hawkeyes actually played pretty well before losing by two points.
As you probably recall, President Ford passed away at that time. He was from Rancho Mirage, which is about two miles from Melissa's brother's home. You could hear the twenty one gun salute from the patio. Very cool. It was a very relaxing and enjoyable time.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Justice is Served
"Millions for defense but not a cent for tribute."
--Robert Harper
De minimis non curat lex.
("The law is not concerned with trifles.")
Received our small claims decision in the mail today. We prevailed against every claim. In an unusual (but not unheard of ) manner, the small claims court typed out a two page decision detailing why the plaintiffs could not prevail on each of their claims. I think Melissa's favorite part of the decision was as follows:
"The dirtiness of the home appears to have been the direct result of a hurried move. Had the Plaintiff's waited until the agreed date to move, this Court believes the home would have been very clean."
Good news for the weekend.
--Robert Harper
De minimis non curat lex.
("The law is not concerned with trifles.")
Received our small claims decision in the mail today. We prevailed against every claim. In an unusual (but not unheard of ) manner, the small claims court typed out a two page decision detailing why the plaintiffs could not prevail on each of their claims. I think Melissa's favorite part of the decision was as follows:
"The dirtiness of the home appears to have been the direct result of a hurried move. Had the Plaintiff's waited until the agreed date to move, this Court believes the home would have been very clean."
Good news for the weekend.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
More Radiation...
. . .to go with my already glowing personality. Was on the table for about 3 hours yesterday getting the eight brain metasteses zapped. It's called stereotactic radiosurgery. You've probably heard of it's twin , the "GammaKnife" which sounds a lot cooler and is far better marketed. I have to make a decision on the last ditch effort chemo has to keep me alive a short while longer in the next few days. I'm leaning toward no.
Local Readers only: We've got corruption with a capital "C" right here in River City, which rhymes with "P" and that stands for prison. Federal Prison. Without further ado, let me present:
Tom's early line on the CIETC scandal:
Ramona Cunningham--5 convictions, 84 months.
Karen Tesdell --4 convictions, 48 months.
Archie Brooks --2 convictions, 12 months of house arrest due to medical reasons
Jane Barto --1 conviction, probation
Local Readers only: We've got corruption with a capital "C" right here in River City, which rhymes with "P" and that stands for prison. Federal Prison. Without further ado, let me present:
Tom's early line on the CIETC scandal:
Ramona Cunningham--5 convictions, 84 months.
Karen Tesdell --4 convictions, 48 months.
Archie Brooks --2 convictions, 12 months of house arrest due to medical reasons
Jane Barto --1 conviction, probation
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
The Worst People in the World
(Or at Least the Most Annoying)
"And that's the way it was: Thursday, January 11, 2007."
--Walter Cronkite
A few of you may know this already, but we were sued in small claims court last week relating to the sale of our house in August, 2005. They sued both Melissa and I as well as my father, who had nothing to do with the drafting or the signing of the Purchase Agreement. The couple that bought the house tried to claim that a stove was included in the deal, even though the Purchase Agreement (which they were given several days to review and were urged to have an attorney review before signing) clearly and specifically stated that a stove was excluded from the sale, and they initialed that specific part of the Agreement.
On Saturday, November 12, 2005, they arrived at our old house at noon insisting that they be let in even though we had agreed to give them possession on Sunday. We were obviously still moving at the time. (This was after we had agreed to close the transaction more than two weeks early for their convenience). We explained to them that we were still moving and after cleaning we could give them possession. They told us they didn't care that the place wasn't clean, they just needed in. (A rainstorm was approaching.) At trial, a major claim of theirs was that the place was dirty when they moved in. In fact it was so dirty, they alleged, that they were unable to move in for forty-one (41) days (no, that's not a typo), and had to pay her mother $1025.00 in rent. Right. Any of you who have been in our house know what kind of housekeeper Melissa is. Despite several claims of how filthy the place was, the best they could come up with was a $50.00 receipt from some friends in Makoquoeta, Iowa, who had to drive down because "there are no cleaning people in Des Moines, Iowa." Right. As part of their forty-nine (49)(again, not a typo) exhibits, they introduced a photo showing a small wastebasket in the 1/2 bath with a Kleenex box in it, and another photo showing that we had left the special cleaner for the Pergo floor in a closet.
The next claim was that we had torn holes in and "ruined" the orange shag rug carpeting in the basement which had been there more than 21 years, by putting holes in it. The holes were there when we moved in, right in the center of the room. They were claiming $2000 for this "damage." Right. Note: these people were in the home at least six times between signing the Purchase Agreement and closing and never once mentioned any problem with the place.
The female part of the couple than began bitching during the trial about how the cupboards were "cheap" and how she didn't like the colors in the place. Makes you wonder why they bought it in the first place. The male part of the couple kept bitching thoughout the trial that they had no attorney and "there's three attorneys over there." I kept thinking "well, you sued two of them you fucking dummy. What did you expect?"
Their case took them 2 hours and 40 minutes to put on (which the magistrates always enjoy). Our defense was 25 minutes. We don't have a decision yet, but, regardless of the outcome, these are:
The worst people in the world for Thursday, January 11, 2007.
"And that's the way it was: Thursday, January 11, 2007."
--Walter Cronkite
A few of you may know this already, but we were sued in small claims court last week relating to the sale of our house in August, 2005. They sued both Melissa and I as well as my father, who had nothing to do with the drafting or the signing of the Purchase Agreement. The couple that bought the house tried to claim that a stove was included in the deal, even though the Purchase Agreement (which they were given several days to review and were urged to have an attorney review before signing) clearly and specifically stated that a stove was excluded from the sale, and they initialed that specific part of the Agreement.
On Saturday, November 12, 2005, they arrived at our old house at noon insisting that they be let in even though we had agreed to give them possession on Sunday. We were obviously still moving at the time. (This was after we had agreed to close the transaction more than two weeks early for their convenience). We explained to them that we were still moving and after cleaning we could give them possession. They told us they didn't care that the place wasn't clean, they just needed in. (A rainstorm was approaching.) At trial, a major claim of theirs was that the place was dirty when they moved in. In fact it was so dirty, they alleged, that they were unable to move in for forty-one (41) days (no, that's not a typo), and had to pay her mother $1025.00 in rent. Right. Any of you who have been in our house know what kind of housekeeper Melissa is. Despite several claims of how filthy the place was, the best they could come up with was a $50.00 receipt from some friends in Makoquoeta, Iowa, who had to drive down because "there are no cleaning people in Des Moines, Iowa." Right. As part of their forty-nine (49)(again, not a typo) exhibits, they introduced a photo showing a small wastebasket in the 1/2 bath with a Kleenex box in it, and another photo showing that we had left the special cleaner for the Pergo floor in a closet.
The next claim was that we had torn holes in and "ruined" the orange shag rug carpeting in the basement which had been there more than 21 years, by putting holes in it. The holes were there when we moved in, right in the center of the room. They were claiming $2000 for this "damage." Right. Note: these people were in the home at least six times between signing the Purchase Agreement and closing and never once mentioned any problem with the place.
The female part of the couple than began bitching during the trial about how the cupboards were "cheap" and how she didn't like the colors in the place. Makes you wonder why they bought it in the first place. The male part of the couple kept bitching thoughout the trial that they had no attorney and "there's three attorneys over there." I kept thinking "well, you sued two of them you fucking dummy. What did you expect?"
Their case took them 2 hours and 40 minutes to put on (which the magistrates always enjoy). Our defense was 25 minutes. We don't have a decision yet, but, regardless of the outcome, these are:
The worst people in the world for Thursday, January 11, 2007.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Warrior
"Roland was a warrior, from the land of the Midnight Sun.
Thompson gun for hire, fighting to be done."
--Warren Zevon
A New Cancer Term I can Live :-) With*
I've decided that's what I am. Not a "survivor", not a "victim." A fucking warrior. Bloodied but unbowed. It doesn't state or imply surviving, which I won't, but the connotation of having been through several battles even though at some point you lose the war is very accurate, at least in my case.
I've studied the enemy to be best of my ability, consulted with top members of my staff (i.e. surgeons, oncologists and my family), and live with results which are necessarily based on incomplete and imperfect information. Yup, a fucking warrior. That's what I am.
*Full disclosure. The term in the cancer context originated with a Ms. Lorraine Powell who was responding to Leroy Sievers' "My Cancer" column on 1/09/07,Comment 2. http://www.npr.org
Thompson gun for hire, fighting to be done."
--Warren Zevon
A New Cancer Term I can Live :-) With*
I've decided that's what I am. Not a "survivor", not a "victim." A fucking warrior. Bloodied but unbowed. It doesn't state or imply surviving, which I won't, but the connotation of having been through several battles even though at some point you lose the war is very accurate, at least in my case.
I've studied the enemy to be best of my ability, consulted with top members of my staff (i.e. surgeons, oncologists and my family), and live with results which are necessarily based on incomplete and imperfect information. Yup, a fucking warrior. That's what I am.
*Full disclosure. The term in the cancer context originated with a Ms. Lorraine Powell who was responding to Leroy Sievers' "My Cancer" column on 1/09/07,Comment 2. http://www.npr.org
Friday, January 05, 2007
Was I here at all?
"A man has to have goals - for a day, for a lifetime - and that was mine, to have people say, 'There goes Ted Williams, the greatest hitter who ever lived.'"
- Ted Williams
And people still say that. He missed 4 1/2 years due to serving in both WWII and the Korean War and still managed to hit 521 homeruns. He batted .344 in his career, won two MVPs , finished second four times, hit a homerun in his last at bat in Fenway Park, and is the last man to bat .400 in a season. If he's not the best hitter of all time, he's second best behind Babe Ruth.
He was a fighter pilot in the wars and was shot down in the Korean War. He also was a world class fisherman, and quietly did a lot of work for the Jimmy Fund, a children's charity.
On the other hand, by all accounts, he was a lousy husband and father, a real horse's ass whenever he was criticized, and petty.
But people remember him and will continue to remember him long after he's gone. (He passed away in 2002).
Aside from Melissa, and my parents, will anyone remember me ten years from now? I suppose Joe and my sisters will, but will Jack? He's so young, that he'll probably all but forget I was here. I'd like to think that other people would remember me, but I really don't know if I've had that kind of impact, except maybe in a "oh yeah, he was a good guy too" sort of way. I never made it to the U.S. Supreme Court, which was always one of my primary goals. Did I ever make a positive difference in my client's lives? In my children's lives (since I am presumably "moving on up" in the next year or so and they are so young)?
In short, if you leave the planet and no one remembers you, were you here at all?
- Ted Williams
And people still say that. He missed 4 1/2 years due to serving in both WWII and the Korean War and still managed to hit 521 homeruns. He batted .344 in his career, won two MVPs , finished second four times, hit a homerun in his last at bat in Fenway Park, and is the last man to bat .400 in a season. If he's not the best hitter of all time, he's second best behind Babe Ruth.
He was a fighter pilot in the wars and was shot down in the Korean War. He also was a world class fisherman, and quietly did a lot of work for the Jimmy Fund, a children's charity.
On the other hand, by all accounts, he was a lousy husband and father, a real horse's ass whenever he was criticized, and petty.
But people remember him and will continue to remember him long after he's gone. (He passed away in 2002).
Aside from Melissa, and my parents, will anyone remember me ten years from now? I suppose Joe and my sisters will, but will Jack? He's so young, that he'll probably all but forget I was here. I'd like to think that other people would remember me, but I really don't know if I've had that kind of impact, except maybe in a "oh yeah, he was a good guy too" sort of way. I never made it to the U.S. Supreme Court, which was always one of my primary goals. Did I ever make a positive difference in my client's lives? In my children's lives (since I am presumably "moving on up" in the next year or so and they are so young)?
In short, if you leave the planet and no one remembers you, were you here at all?
Monday, January 01, 2007
New Year's Resolutions
"Ring out the old, ring in the new,
. . .
Ring out the false, ring in the true."
--Alfred, LordTennyson
I've often heard that you are a lot more likely to accomplish your resolutions if you put them in black and white. I've done this with some success in the past, but what the hell, maybe I'll get 'em all accomplished this year:
1. Lose 15lbs.—Weight on 1/1/07 is 208 lbs
2. Read the Bible 20 minutes/day
3. Read James Joyce’s Ulysses before going to Ireland
4. Read 20 books this year
5. Start Walking/Exercising 20min/day
6. Send Thank You Notes
7. Solve a Tuesday NY Times Crossword, then Wed., and so on
8. Write Congressmen re cancer funding in general, and stem cell research in particular
9. Write letter to Melissa and boys
10. B’day cards to boys
11. Be around to make 2008 resolutions
I'll tell you about the California trip later this week.
. . .
Ring out the false, ring in the true."
--Alfred, LordTennyson
I've often heard that you are a lot more likely to accomplish your resolutions if you put them in black and white. I've done this with some success in the past, but what the hell, maybe I'll get 'em all accomplished this year:
1. Lose 15lbs.—Weight on 1/1/07 is 208 lbs
2. Read the Bible 20 minutes/day
3. Read James Joyce’s Ulysses before going to Ireland
4. Read 20 books this year
5. Start Walking/Exercising 20min/day
6. Send Thank You Notes
7. Solve a Tuesday NY Times Crossword, then Wed., and so on
8. Write Congressmen re cancer funding in general, and stem cell research in particular
9. Write letter to Melissa and boys
10. B’day cards to boys
11. Be around to make 2008 resolutions
I'll tell you about the California trip later this week.
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