Friendship

"Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant, ever notice that?"
--Stephen King, The Body, a novella within Different Seasons

"If you threw a party, invited everyone you knew,
You would see . . .
that the biggest gift would be from me,
and card attached would say
'Thank you for being a friend.' "
--"Thank You for Being a Friend" Andrew Gold

"Le sort fait les parents, le choix fait les amis."
("Fate chooses our relatives, we choose our friends.")
--Jacques Delille, French Poet, 1803


I received an e-mail the other day from an old friend, parts of which are reprinted below with permission:

Dear Tom,

When I think about ways that you influenced me and my life. . . well, if it wasn't for you I would have never drunk a Long Island Ice Tea!

Although consumption of alcohol was a frequent activity, it was the conversation that went along that was the most worthwhile. I always felt that you had interesting perspectives and thought provoking ideas. I just remember reflective conversations we had, like the line about how people come in and out of your life like a waiter at a restaurant. Where was that one from? A song I bet.

As a sometimes hyper, enthusiastic teenager you helped keep me grounded. You made me think, reflect, and probably saved me from being ditzy (or at least less ditzy than I was). I could always count on you to be real and even painfully honest. My husband is the same way, will always tell you how it is, which I appreciate.

Will I ever forget when we went to an Iowa Hawkeyes game with your folks?
Reflecting back on that, it probably prepared me for traveling in China, comfort in crowds --- I still remember the masses of people.
But now it is second nature to me as we bop back and forth between China and the US.

Tom, I remember going out drinking with you after working at my day camp job. I would come home tired and you would cajole me into coming out for a drink on the other side of town. Thank God, I always got home safe. But I think you influenced me in learning that your work can't be everything, you need balance and you need to enjoy life when you got it and in the end connecting with people is what counts. That is something you have done well, you have so many passions and are true to yourself, your family, you friends and what you believe. Of course you work hard too, that has also been a passion for you, but you haven't let it overrun you or define who you are. I know that family has always been at the core for you. From my heart, I wish that you find peace in all this turmoil and struggle. I will remember you always.
Love, Cathy

Well- thanks Cathy. That was very nice of you to say. Well, friends do come in out of my life like busboys in a restaurant. But not in a bad way, like I think that Stephen King meant it. Actually, I've been very lucky to have a number of friends who I can not see for months or even years, and we are able to pick up right where we left off.

And in the end, perhaps that's what it all comes down to. Not work or personal accomplishment, but our family, the friends we've had, and the experiences we've shared.